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Where In The World Is…Gerard Pique?

21 Jun

In Jerusalem! Quite the life for the young Barcelona center back. In addition to winning everything for club and country, he is currently dating Shakira and following her around Europe for her concert tour, which has arrived in the Holy Land. Shakira is also scheduled to attend the Israeli Presidential Conference to promote her Barefoot Foundation – a non-profit organization aimed at bringing education to all children worldwide.

Pique is pictured above at the Western Wall in a moment of silent prayer and reflection. I have an idea what might be going through his mind…

1. I hope this hand-out yarmulke they gave me doesn’t have lice

2. Thank you so much for Shakira!!

3. Thank you for my bountiful riches and trophies

4. Shakira’s hips is a gift that keeps on giving

5. Does it count if my runway hair flip makes contact with the wall rather than my forehead?

6. I, in addition to that toilet, paid a heavy price for ordering extra hot sauce with my schwarma.  Please help stop the burning!

7. Thank you for Shakira’s incredible flexibility!!

8. Why did Mourinho get a nicer yarmulke!? And where is that note of his? I want to rip it to shreds.

9. If I have sex in the Dead Sea, will I still float?

10. Have I mentioned how thankful I am for Shakira?

More photos after the jump: Continue reading

David Villa’s Dirty Little Leopard Secret

4 Jan

Gerard Pique sat out Barcelona’s match against lowly Levante on Sunday after accumulating five yellow cards, which only provided an opportunity for more shenanigans from the center back on his famed twitter account (in case you’ve been living in a cave, I’ll inform you that Gerard Pique, Carles Puyol, and Cesc Fabregas joined twitter a few months ago and hold hourly “tweet wars” and pranks every day). He posted the above picture during the match resulting in a mystery blame game over the next 48 hours:

@3gerardpique: “Which player from the team is capable of going to a party wearing these shoes??

When I first saw them I thought they were Carles’ because a few weeks ago we went to the zoo and I thought he bought them there! HAHA

I am disgusted to see that there are people who think they are mine…are you crazy or what???”

@Carles5puyol: “Liar! It’s impossible! They are too small! I’ll give you all a very important fact: they are a size 40.”

@3gerardpique: “I will give you five names. The shoes belong to one of them.

Mascherano, Keita, Dani Alves, Villa and Bojan! Whose could they be?

We are now down to three! I know I’m making you wait very long, but the player does not want anyone knowing…one moment.

I am currently in negotiations with the player in order to convince him! Through this I will be able to reveal the name of the player.”

While men, women, children, circus folk, bakers, and butlers waited with bated breathe for Pique to reveal the owner, a small crack of the truth leaked out to the public through a radio interview with David Villa. When asked if they were his, the striker bashfully grinned and told everyone to wait for tomorrow. At long last though, the truth has been revealed!

@3gerardpique: I have the pleasure to announce that the “magnificent” shoes I hung up the other day are David Villa’s!!

I guess he is the only player on that team who can really pull these off – what with his extra slick and gelled hair, crisp tight clothing, and arguably the world’s most famous soul patch. Where them in public? Sure, why not. Bring them to your workplace and leave them in the locker room in plain sight of one of the most notorious goofball pranksters around? Now that’s just stupid.

(Photo courtesy of Sport.es)

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