For those of you who do not know Ray Hudson, he is the color man on GolTV’s American broadcast of football matches. To put it bluntly he is out of control, bat-shit crazy. A Geordie by blood, Hudson plied his trade with Newcastle in the 1970’s before moving to the NASL for the rest of his career. Surely not the greatest midfielder to have ever graced the game, but Hudson’s brilliance lies in his broadcasting. Euphemisms, metaphors, other worldly comparisons, hysterics, turrets-like shrills of excitement, and plenty of high blood pressure is the best way to describe a match with Hudson in the booth. If you have never heard him, it is imperative you find time to do so this weekend.
To whet your appetites a bit, and to recap what you may have missed, every Monday will feature an installment of the best quotes from Hudson over the weekend. They are as baffling as they are comedic.
Below are the highlights from Saturday’s match between Real Madrid and Getafe at the Bernabéu:
“Rifling his way through the clashing rocks.” (Di Maria)
“Little ‘avatar eyes’ takes over the wheel there.” (Ozil)
“Wonderful header from Mr. Slick.” (Cristiano Ronaldo)
“And that’s what happens when you don’t take your chances against real Madrid. They’ll jump out of the closet and draw your blood.”
“Cool like a killer. Wonderful penalty box predator.” (Benzema)
“That was magic from saint Iker. Picking out Sergio Ramos who was putting his headband right.”
“Coentrao misses an absolute howler! It’s beyond a toilet bowl finish…and Fabio makes a big red baboon’s backside out of the finish. No excusing it – finger down the throat again.”
“The Venezuelan international absolutely flamethrowers this.” (Miku)
“Cannot quite spread his wings like a bat out of hell to get to this.” (Moya on Cristiano’s penalty take)
“Fabulous from Cristiano Ronaldo! Look at this people. Get out of your sofas and go and kiss the TV set and Cristiano’s smiling face because that is an absolute phenomenal pass…beyond split millimeter. He curls it. He takes everything – the moon’s gravitational pull – into account and provides it on a silver plate with a big white ribbon tied around it. Cristiano! Superlative.”